Reality bites: He's my father but I am not the daughter

Flashback 1991, I was playing in the backyard of my Elementary School, my classmate teased me asking where my Dad is. And I am so ashamed to admit that he’s working abroad. He’s not here with me every single day of my childhood unlike the Dads of these silly kids. I didn’t answer back but I threw him a pack of mud instead. The last memory I got of him was at the airport, he was wearing a denim jacket and a pair of old jeans – On his first flight to Saudi Arabia. “Heaven Knows” by Rick Price keeps playing in my head from the airport back home. I cry while playing, I cry while in school and more often than not, I cry myself to sleep. I’ve been used to a 3-year, 2-year and 1-year employment contract of my father. We all got used to it. I mastered the art of writing a letter in a writing pad, yellow or stationery paper, name it. I make sure the margins are equal, first paragraph starts with a big letter, indentions are correct, date and time must also be included. We used to also send voice tapes, so even if I don’t know how to sing I tried my best to at least finish a song to dedicate him. And of course I need to tell academic stories - achievements, contests or whatever it is that pleases him. I’ve never been great about anything except when I’m guided by my father. He’s a rabbi and a mentor to me. But as I see it before he’s a faultfinder and a critic. During my adolescent years, less letters were sent, no voice tapes too. It’s email era. Things got easier. Efforts were less exerted. Phone lines were also accessible, so I need not to think of anything to say but Hi and Hello. Answer questions, lie and bye. Then I began to grow physically and mentally. Little by little he watch me develop from a little kid into a teenager. He became more rigid, more criticizing and more demanding. No wearing of short skirts, no perfume, NO EVERYTHING. Of course I didn’t understand. Come adulthood, and still he was there. He’s often physically absent but he never left. He tried his best to at least BE THERE. And there I was - a reluctant, hard-headed, selfish woman. Refusing every single idea or thought my Dad wants me to achieve. Yes I know from the heart that he just want the best for me – a good career, best partner and matured personality. But I’m only human. I love to oppose. I became self-reliant. I wanted to learn everything the hard way. And so the hard way I've chosen became a lethal boulevard that slowly killed me and almost took me away from the family I so cherish now. I fell many times, I cried many times, I begged many times and he did nothing but accept me. I was never the daughter he wanted to have. I am not the daughter he prayed for when my Mama conceived me. I was never the sent-from-heaven-kind-of-daughter. But hey it’s Father’s day! This is your day. I love you. You are my first and last love. It may seem so awkward to say it out loud but I try my best to acknowledge that before even dropping your call. Your “I love you too” is the best version I ever heard. You are not perfect. You are oftentimes hot-headed and the authority of your voice resembles that of Big Brother’s. But hey! You are the only man I respect, look up to and entrust my future with. And that makes you the best. This might be long but I made a list of Thank Yous so you will always remember - Thank you for being a good provider – we never ran out of trend from clothes, restaurants we dine to gadgets. But it breaks my heart seeing you with the same shirt you always wear for 3 years. That’s the reason why giving you a brand new one is a good gift idea whenever you leave. You deserve a dress up sometimes. Thank you for the International and local trips we had that made me an official Island girl and now running my own travel agency because of the inspiration you gave me. That life must be well spent by travelling. Thank You for all the father-son (ok father-daughter) bonding we share – when we played billiards during a vacation in 2000, our night runs, scooter and tandem-bike rides. The museum trips that Mama will never appreciate. The love for Japanese, Chinese and Indian foods that runs in my blood. The love for sports only sons can inherit from their dads. And for this one particular moment I won’t forget – In a birthday trip in Brisbane and we were having breakfast. I crumpled the bread and dip in my coffee then I looked at you and you’re doing the same habit unconsciously. It may seem like a small thing but you don’t know how it melted my heart. I am your daughter, you are my Dad. What a confirmation! Thank you for trying your best to shape me into a FINE WOMAN. I may be a bit boyish but that won’t change the truth. I learned independence, strategy, and endurance from you. I got my strong personality, loyalty for the country and love for people from you. You always tell me that honesty and morality are the most important aspects I need to get from you. We’re not into politics but we always have better plans for people. Changing the world is our main objective in life and I find it freaking awesome. Thank you for all the misunderstandings. Because of that, you have proven the world that you are the only person who won’t give up on me. Thank you for setting an example of faith and not religion. My faith in God is just a grain compared to the size of yours. Your faith is what keeps you into fidelity. I salute you because never in my entire life I heard of the word 3rd party between you and Mama. I may not be the daughter you wished for when you were 18, but Pa I will be the conductor of all your visions, I will pass on it to the next generation. You may not be a legend in politics or showbiz, but you will be the Hero of this family. Your legacy will always linger in this lifetime or even after. I love you. From the daughter who is not deserving but tries her best to make you glad, Bidoy

The cute and colorful side of Tacloban

It was the night of Nov 19, 2013 when I was on the way home while watching the news inside the bus TV. It was a very devastating sight - people of Tacloban were desperately reaching out for help. They needed food, clothes, foot wears, everything. They were left with nothing but their own lives. It was a very tragic Typhoon. It was a storm surge that hit them. Most of them were transferred from Tacloban to Villamor Airbase for temporary shelter and for feeding programs. I wanted to help but I know it's impossible for me to fly to the devastated place. I am of no help, I am just a plain office employee with a little and almost nothing in my bank account. An idea came into my mind when I saw the kids - My heart skipped and I wanted to hug each and every one of them just to comfort them. I am going to Villamor Airbase first thing in the Morning. I am making them happy, I will dress as a clown and will give them entertainment. I haven't done such a comical act in my entire life but that's the first thing that entered my mind. I can do that. Just to ease the pain I see in their eyes. Went straight to the bookstore and bought coloring books, colors, popcycle sticks, molding clay - all those school supplies you can find in a pre-school. Come morning of November 20, 2013. I have called the all Clown costume for rent services I find in the internet but none of them are available. I proceeded and brought the school supplies and went on to Villamor Airbase. I registered and volunteered as a Stress Debriefer to the kids. Honestly I don't know how to start but I just followed the "Sunday School Teacher" in me. The first scene I witnessed was very heart melting. When a big cargo plane they call "C 130" landed right in front of Villamor Stadium, the survivors from Tacloban went down from the plane one by one, I really cried. It was like a scene in a zombie-themed movie we watch where the survivors showed up after a big wave of zombies attacked the town. The volunteers in the Airbase were all clapping, giving them applause to uplift their spirits. To at least show them they're conquerors. I have seen at least 5 c130s as they land and drop passengers. From Morning to until 5pm, I roam around and look for kids then show them the stuff I brought, taught them how to color, mold clay, write their names and other fun things a normal child do at school except for one - I didn't ask them anything about the typhoon. Their "projects" translate their unspoken words. I was holding back my tears the whole time I was with the children. How can I ever ask sad questions when all I see in their eyes is hope? When we hear the word Tacloban, we picture calamity, hunger and death. But let me show you this - These are the children from Tacloban. The cute and colorful side of Tacloban.

BIO-DATA ng isang nangangalakal

Habang nakaupo ako sa haligi ng Manila Bay, kinuhanan ko ng litrato ang paligid. May isang basurero akong napansin sa di kalayuan ng kinauupuan ko. Napansin ko siyang umiinom ng kape habang may dinudukot na biskwit sa bulsa. Pinagmasdan ko siya hanggang sa matapos at napansin kong malayo ang tingin nya. Nilapitan ko siya para kamustahin. Eto ang ilan sa naging usapan namin:

Ako:kamusta, kuya?



Kuya: mabuti naman



Ako: ano'ng pangalan mo?



Kuya: Francis



Ako: ako si joy. taga saan ka?



Francis: valenzuela.



Ako: paano ka napunta dito?



Francis: lumayas ako eh.



Ako: (hindi ko napigilang lumuha habang nagsasalita) bakit ka lumayas? Alam mo kanina natuwa ako sayo dahil pagkatapos mong kumain, mukang kuntento ka na. Ako, tuwing napapadpad ako dito sa Manila bay, parang kinukurot ang puso ko sa mga taong nakahiga sa kalye. Walang makain at madungis. Naguguilty ako dahil ako nakakakain naman ng sapat, may bahay at nakakabili ng damit pero madami pa din akong reklamo sa buhay. Isa ka sa kanila, pero bakit?



Francis: lumayas ako kasi tatlong buwan na kong walang trabaho, na endo ako. anim kami magkakapatid. Nahihiya ako dahil pakiramdam ko pabigat ako.



Ako: paano ka nabubuhay sa isang linggo mong pagala gala?



Francis: nangangalakal. Namumulot ng plastik at lata tapos ibebenta.



Ako: anong naisip mo bakit ka lumayas sa inyo?



Francis: magpapalipas lang. Mag iisip isip. Ang baba ng tingin ko sa sarili ko.

Ako: sigurado nagaalala na ang magulang mo sa'yo. Sumagi ba sa isip mong umuwi na?



Francis: oo. Pero galit sila siguro. Hindi nga nila ako hinahanap.



Ako: hindi mo malalaman yun dahil nandito ka, hindi mo alam baka di rin nakakatulog ng ayos ang Nanay mo. ano ba'ng natapos mo at ano ang mga naging trabaho mo?



Francis: highschool po. Nag waiter ako sa padi's at nag knitting operator ako. Ate, ako nga nagluluto samin sa bahay, madami akong alam na luto. Yung pagbubuhat ng mabigat, yun lang ang di ko kinakaya.



Ako: kuya, alam ko ang nararamdaman mo. minsan din akong naging rebeldeng anak. Nakaramdam din ako ng hiya at bumaba ang tingin ko sa sarili ko. Pero ilang taon ka na ba? Naisip mo ba na ilang taon kang kinupkop ng magulang mo. walang bagay ang makakaalis sa pagmamahal ng magulang para sa anak. Hindi mahalaga ang pera. Mahalaga ay kumpleto kayo.



Francis: 25 na ko. May college nga akong kapatid e. madami kami sa bahay. Kaso natatakot ako. Nahihiya.



Ako: isipin mo na lang, ang kaba na yan ay kabayaran lang dahil iniwan mo sila ng walang paalam. Pero maliit na bagay lang yun kumpara sa maibibigay mong kasayahan sa nanay mo dahil nagkita na kayo ulit. Tapusin mo na 'to. Magsimula ka ulit at tutulungan kita. Magkasundo tayo. Nangyari lahat ng ito dahil may dahilan ang Diyos. Kilala mo ba si God?



Francis: Oo ate Christian ako.



Ako: si God ang nagbigay sakin ng lakas ng loob para lumapit sayo at kausapin ka. May mga natutunan ka ba sa isang linggo mong paglalaboy? Nahimasmasan ka na ba?



Francis: oo ate. Babalik naman ako pag ok na'ko.



Ako: isipin mo na lang pagkakataon 'to ulit. Makakapagsimula ka na.maaayos mo buhay mo. magtulungan tayo. Makinig ka sakin at umuwi ka sa inyo at ako, gagawin ko ang lahat para makahanap ng trabaho para sa'yo. magtiwala ka sa'kin at magtitiwala akong uuwi ka na. bibigyan kita ng pamasahe.



Francis: may pera po ako, kinita ko sa pangangalakal.



Ako: sige. Tatayo tayo dito ngayon at sisimulan nating ayusin ang buhay mo.



Francis: ate, pa'no to? (Patukoy sa mga basurang napulot nya sa mag hapong pangangalakal)



Ako: itapon mo na lang sa basurahan. Tandaan mo, hindi yan ang trabahong para sa'yo. Kung hindi mo kakalimutan ang awa sa sarili, habang buhay ka matutulog sa kalsada na 'to kasama ng sako mo.



Pumunta kami sa isang convenience store, bumili ako ng BIO-DATA at ballpen. Nung una ay nahihiya siyang pumasok dahil sa gwardya pero kinausap ko ito at pinapasok naman nya kami. Hinayaan kong si Francis ang magsulat. Nakakatuwa dahil kabisado nya pa din ang lahat ng petsa kung kailan sya mga nagtrabaho. Ngunit wala siyang maisulat sa contact number, wala silang telepono at hindi nya alam ang numero ng kapatid nya. Binigay ko sa kanya ang cellphone number ko at ipinangako nyang makikitext sya para mailagay ko sa BIO-DATA nya kung sakali siya ay tatawagan na. Lumabas kami at naghiwalay ng landas.



Habang naglalakad ako, naisip ko, isa si Francis sa madaming Pilipinong naghahanap ng trabaho pero walang makita. Kung meron man, may kontrata na matatapos sa loob ng anim na buwan. Kung ang lahat ng walang trabaho ay tatambay. Mawawalan ng tiwala sa sarili. Lalayas. Napakahirap yatang isiping magpapalaboy laboy lang sila dahil lang sa kakulangan ng trabaho. Mararangal na trabaho para sa mga taong may talento at kapasidad ang kailangan bigyan ng pansin.



Sana makarating ang blog na ito sa tamang tao. Isang trabaho lang ang hiling ko para sa taong ito. At kung maari malapit lang sa kanyang tinitirhan sa Valenzuela para kasama nya pa din ang pamilya nya at di nya na kailangan pang lumayo at mamasahe. Bukod sa karanasan, abilidad alam kong isa rin sa kwalipiskasyon para sa isang trabaho ay ang ang PUSO, at iyan ang naramdaman ko sa taong ito sa ilang oras naming paguusap. Naniniwala ako na sa pagbigay ng isang pagkakataon sa kanya, mabibigyan sya ng pag-asa at madaragdagan ang mga Pilipinong handang magpakita ng sipag at talento para maitaguyod ang pamilya.



Tulungan po natin si Francis. Eto ang kanyang BIO-DATA at larawan (na maaring palitan ng mas malinis at kaaya aya na gaya sa ordinaryong aplikasyon).



Ipagbigay alam nyo sana sa akin: 0906-5659982 at kapag nakahanap na ng paraan si Francis na maipaalam sakin ang numero ng kahit sino sa kakilala nya, naipangako nyang kukuha siya ng NBI clearance at susunod sa normal na proseso ng isang aplikante.



Salamat po.

Update: 10:56am, Linggo. Nakatanggap ako ng text. Mula pala ito sa Nanay ni Francis. Ipinaalam niya na nakauwi na ang anak nya. Tumawag din si Francis upang magpasalamat. Maaliwalas ang boses nito at halatang masaya. Hindi ko hahayaang mamatayan ulit ng pag-asa si Francis. Hindi ako titigil.

A letter from a soon-to-be-cyber-criminal

The Republic act 10175 will take effect tomorrow. As a normal Filipino, I am nothing but happy that computer-related crimes such as fraud, defamation, threat and child porn should be prevented but as a blogger and nationalist , I am honestly not happy about the insertion of this specific clause - Section 19 or the libel clause, a part responsible why people tagged RA 10175 as "cyber martial law" . I am no political person, but me and my family are true-blooded Aquino supporters. Mr. President, you are a living testament of freedom - a freedom that has caused your fathers death. A freedom that has rewarded you the highest position in this country. The people loved you as you are. Internet has been a very helpful device for us to show our support and encourage people to vote for you. Yes, there may have been cases that you became a victim of netizens bashing offensive comments but it never degraded you as a person nor diminished your supporters' respect in you . So why use this clause as a "prevention". We are all entitled to know the truth. And the truth is not always good. Being responsible is always best. Shutting up is not always lawful. There are times that the people who cry for help are the ones who deserve to know the truth. Do we bury the saying "This is a free country?" The libel clause itself is a crime, a crime that we will commit to our future generation because this is deprivation of freedom - to know the truth because of the fear to be libellous. Definitely, I will not. I respect the law but I will still exercise my right to freedom of expression. Mr. President, your parents are the founders of freedom in this country. I was born after the death of your father, but I am fully aware of his legacy. The legacy to speak the truth and the right to say NO. Whatever happens tomorrow, I just want to let you know that the people who will soon commit the cyber crime - intentionally or not, are the same people who love the country with full confidence of the constitution. They were the first one who got disappointed. Again, the truth is not always good. Obstructing people to speak the truth is a mere representation that democracy is dead. I may have a little knowledge about law but I am sure, RA 10175 is still amendable. Come on Mr. President. Save your people. We are the children of democracy. Don't let another selfish law maker rule and destroy our liberty. Before writing this, my father said to me" Don't do it. Just focus about looking for a job. Any way, you are here in Australia and you are least affected unless you will commit it." He may be right, publishing this blog may not help me in that case but I am still a citizen of the Philippines and I still count as one voice. Mr. president, just like tonight, there will always come a time that you will not abide your father but I am very confident, that you, as the father of this nation will not in a way destroy your father's name. Gob Bless the Philippines!

happy mother's day!

Kudos NTC!!! :)

Last May 2, 2012, while he was about to get out of LRT 1, my younger brother's phone (HTC sensation) was stolen. He wasn't sure about who actually snatched it from him, but he suspected that more than 2 men did the crime. He recalled that he got hit by one of the suspect's elbow, then when he checked his phone in his pocket, it's gone and so are they. That same day, we report the incident to the police assigned in the station. And also to LRT authority. We requested for the CCTV recording copy of the 9:25am arriving train inside UN station. On May 4, 2012

, I went to National Telecommunications Commission located at BIR road, eliptical road, Diliman Quezon City. I reported the incident. Presented the receipt of the purchase, the box (with IMEI number), my valid IDs, and I requested them to block the phone's usage and so as the mobile number of my brother. After 3 days, I made a follow up call, and they assured me that the phone and the number can no longer be used. I am pretty amazed by their assistance when I was there. And now that they have done a good job, they do deserve a good review and people should know good government offices still exist. My only suggestion is for them to have a tracking device, maybe it would cost a fortune but cases like this will be easier to address if only they have complete and accurate devices. But nevertheless, I am very thankful for the positive outcome of my complain. On the other hand, I went back to LRTA ro recover the CCTV footage, but unfortunately, the man in-charge was on his day off but they made an assurance that the exact train that arrived 9:45am in their station was captured and recorded to a mobile phone (from the CCTV). I am still waiting for their response as to when I can get the copy. The only reason why we need to get this, is for public awareness. we may or may not identify them, surely my brother will be able to recall what really happened in the train, and people will be reminded to be more conscious and alert when riding a public transportation. Kudos National Telecommunications Commission. NTC, DIliman, BIR Road, Quezon City, 1101 9244048/ 926-7722 ntc@ntc.gov.ph

Life is worth living - a tribute to Mrs. Lety M. Pelagio

She is the epitome of woman. She was all about embracing life, loving yourself, loving other people, and encouraging others to find the beauty in themselves.

This Morning, I attended a memorial service.
It was for Mrs. Pelagio, my former teacher in Elementary School. It wasn’t a sudden death. She was diagnosed with cancer. Seek for medication, recovered, but later on it still took her life.

Her memorial service was a devastating affair because of the nature of her death. Her Son and Husband cried throughout, as did her relatives, friends, and her co-teachers.

Though my tears kept threatening to burst from their ducts, I managed to remain dry-eyed throughout the week of memorial wake. Not until the day came when we had to send our last goodbyes to her. That was when I lost it. I cried, as I am crying now, because I never realized what a truly beautiful, optimistic person she was.

I was amazed at how positive, strong and determined she remained in her last days. She urges her sisters and friends not to be sad at her death, for she achieved her dreams and lived a full and happy life.

I regretted the fact that I never went out of my way to get to know her better, and it looks like I missed out on so many wonderful and memorable moments with this rare and beautiful human being. She was there during one of the most important moments in my life. Selflessly, she offered guidance, understanding and full support. From then on, I considered her not just my former teacher, but a family member. The effort she do for herself every single day as she pays visit to the doctor didn’t keep her from doing that. She didn’t mention it. The important thing for her is to help. She’s been doing it to everybody else. Years of service in her school made her a legend. Just as like the printed shirts during the memorial that says “My teacher, my hero.” Indeed, she is a hero - a mother,a sister, a friend, a co-worker and an adviser.

I am sad about her death, but I need to be thankful that my family and friends are still alive. Auntie Let made me realized that the important thing is to live your life to the fullest and fight for your dreams. Life is full of beauty. Life is worth living.

*The photo shows the candles we lighted during her Thanksgiving visit at Kamay ni Hesus, Lucban Quezon in March.